PJs for Maths Freaks
 Cat Theorem:
——————————-
A cat has nine tails.
Proof:
No cat has eight tails. A cat has one tail more than
no cat. Therefore, a cat has nine tails.
—–
 Message
The number you have dialed is imaginary. Please
rotate your phone 90
degrees and try again.”
—–
 Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant and a
banana?
A: | elephant | * | banana | * sin(theta)
 Q: What do you get if you cross an elephant with a
mountain climber.
A: You can’t do that. A mountain climber is a
scalar.
Adders
The Flood is over and the ark has landed. Noah lets all the animals out and says, “Go forth and multiply.”
A few months later, Noah decides to take a stroll and see how the animals are doing. Everywhere he looks he finds baby
animals. Everyone is doing fine except for one pair of little snakes. “What’s the problem?” says Noah.
“Cut down some trees and let us live there”, say the snakes. Noah follows their advice. Several more weeks pass. Noah checks on the snakes again.
Lots of little snakes, everybody is happy. Noah asks, “Want to tell me how the trees helped?”
“Certainly”, say the snakes. “We’re adders, so we need logs to multiply.”
Mathematician – differentiation operator
A mathematician went insane and believed that he was the differentiation operator. His friends had him placed in a mental
hospital until he got better. All day he would go around frightening the other patients by staring at them and saying “I differentiate you!”
One day he met a new patient; and true to form he stared at him and said “I differentiate you!”, but for once, his victim’s
expression didn’t change.
Surprised, the mathematician marshalled his energies, stared fiercely at the new patient and said loudly “I differentiate
you!”, but still the other man had no reaction. Finally, in frustration, the mathematician screamed out “I DIFFERENTIATE YOU!”
The new patient calmly looked up and said, “You can differentiate me all you like: I’m e to the x.”
Mathematician – The Fire Fighter
One day a mathematician decides that he is sick of math. So, he walks down to the fire department and announces that he wants to become a fireman. The fire chief says, “Well, you look like a good guy. I’d be glad to hire you, but first I have to give you a little test.”
The firechief takes the mathematcian to the alley behind the fire department which contains a dumpster, a spicket, and
a hose. The chief then says, “OK, you’re walking in the alley and you see the dumpster here is on fire. What do you do?”
The mathematician replies, “Well, I hook up the hose to the spicket, turn the water on, and put out the fire.”
The chief says, “That’s great… perfect. Now I have to ask you just one more question. What do you do if you’re walking down the alley and you see the dumpster is not on fire?”
The mathematician puzzles over the question for awhile and he finally says, “I light the dumpster on fire.”
The chief yells, “What? That’s horrible! Why would you light the dumpster on fire?”
The mathematician replies, “Well, that way I reduce the problem to one I’ve already solved.”
—–
 Q: What’s the contour integral around Western
Europe?
 A: Zero, because all the Poles are in Eastern Europe!
Addendum: Actually, there ARE some Poles in Western Europe, but they are removable!
—–
Q: What’s a polar bear?
A: A rectangular bear after a coordinate transform.
—–
Old mathematicians never die; they just lose some of their functions.
—–
I Think Not
I do not think-therefore I am not. Here is the illustration of this principle:
One evening Rene Descartes went to relax at a local tavern. The tender approached and said, “Ah, good evening Monsieur
Descartes! Shall I serve you the usual drink?”. Descartes replied, “I think not.”, and promptly vanished.
Fence
One day a farmer called up an engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician and asked them to fence of the largest possible area with the least amount of fence.
The engineer made the fence in a circle and proclaimed that he had the most efficient design.
The physicist made a long, straight line and proclaimed “We can assume the length is infinite…” and pointed out that fencing off half of the Earth was certainly a more efficient way to do it.
The Mathematician just laughed at them. He built a tiny fence around himself and said “I define myself to be on the
outside.”
—–
 Q: Why did the mathematician name his dog “Cauchy”?
A: Because he left a residue at every pole!
January 22, 2007
· 
Ajit · 
One Comment
Posted in: Funny Stuff, Humor, Humour, Jokes, Jokes and Humor
One Response
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