Online Tourist Queries

Q:   Does it ever get windy in India ? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? ( UK ).

A:      We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Q:    Will I be able to see elephants in the street? ( USA )

A:      Depends how much you’ve been drinking.

Q:      I want to walk from Delhi to Goa – can I follow the railroad tracks? ( Sweden )

A:      Sure, it’s only three thousand kms, take lots of water.

Q:      Is it safe to run around in the bushes in India ?   ( Sweden )

A:      So it’s true what they say about Swedes.

Q:     Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in India ? Can you send me a list of them in Delhi , Chennai, Calcutta and Bangalore ? ( UK )

A:      What did your last slave die of?

Q:     Can you give me some information about hippo racing in India ?  ( USA )

A:      A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe . In-di-a is that big triangle in  the middle of the Pacific & Indian Ocean which does not.. oh forget it. …… Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Goa .  Come naked.

Q:     Which direction is North in India ? ( USA )

A:      Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we’ll send the rest of the directions.

Q:     Can I bring cutlery into India ? (  UK )

A:      Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q:       Can you send me the Indiana Pacers matches schedule? ( France )

A:       Indiana is a state in the Unites States of…oh forget it.  Sure, the Indiana Pacers matches are played every Tuesday  night in Goa , straight after the hippo races.  Come naked.

Q:      Can I wear high heels in India ? ( UK )

A:      You’re a British politician, right?

Q:     Are there supermarkets in Bangalore , and is milk available all year round? ( Germany )

A:      No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q:    Please send a list of all doctors in India who can dispense rattlesnake serum. ( USA )

A:      Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from.  All Indian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make  good pets.

Q:     Do you have perfume in India ? ( France )

A:      No, WE don’t stink.

Q:      I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth.  Can you tell me where I can sell it in India ?  ( USA )

A:      Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q:      Do you celebrate Christmas in India ? ( France )

A:      Only at Christmas.

Q:     Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA )

A:      Yes, but you’ll have to learn it first

Q:     Can I see Taj Mahal anytime? ( Italy )

A:      As long as you are not blind, you can see it anytime.

Q:     Do you have Toilet paper? ( USA )

A:      No, we use sand paper. (we have different grades)

February 19, 2009 · Ajit · No Comments
Posted in: Funny Stuff, Humor, Humour, Jokes, Jokes and Humor, via email

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